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I like masturbating. Who doesn’t? And I love whipped cream …But lately, I’ve started thinking that at the ripe old age of 35, maybe I do it too much.

It doesn’t get in the way of anything. I don’t miss work, and scheduled time with my friends or dentist appointments because I’m beating off, but I don’t want to get myself into a situation that makes real life sex awkward and strangely alien. I’m afraid there are people in this world who jack off so much that when it comes down to the real nitty gritty, they’ve brainwashed their dick into thinking tightly closed fist is how sex is supposed to be.

With that, I’m engaging in something akin to the famous Seinfeld of yester-yore, The Contest. If you haven’t seen this hilarious and classic episode, click here, and then forward all of your friends to it. I watched it recently and it still holds up.

I’m not saying I’m cutting it out cold turkey, oh no. I’d fear for my friends and co-workers. But slowing down my fifteen-year old-esque single day multiple jerk sessions for the sake of pursuing a mutually fulfilling sexual relationship (hey, maybe we can whack off together!)? Sure, I’m down with that.

So what’s your story? How often do you prime the pump? And what’s the longest you’ve gone without getting yourself off? Let me know in comments.

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